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How to Handle Being Bullied - My Side of Story

Monday, December 04, 2017

As much as everyone out there are saying they are anti-bullying, sometimes I think to myself whether they have been on the other side of it all. If you haven't, you would probably feel sorry for the people who are being bullied and if you have, you definitely can relate to what I am about to tell you.

When I was growing up, being a lil girl who tags along by my brother who plays soccer with his friends, I started experiencing being bullied by other lil boys my age. They snatch my toys and throw it into a deep drain, they called me names and trip my legs making me fall on my knees. When I was in elementary school in the States, I had my share of racist comments thrown my way from other kids for being Asian and being kicked in the leg too. But some of the other kids are nice and still wanted to play with me. Then when I came back to Malaysia, I became a loner because I look mixed in a Malay elementary school. Other kids were probably confused what race I actually am as Malaysia is a multi-racial country. But I didn't mind much and continued going about my business.

But the real bullying began when I turned 13 years old where my so called 'best friend' started rallying up girls in the class against me. I was so confused at that time of why they are attacking me and talked behind my back. From what I heard from the boys in the class is that

1) The guys they liked, had a crush on me ( and being teenage girls, they blamed me of course where I had no idea who the guys are)

2) Because I became popular in school ( I would say people knew me because I participated in a lot of contest in school but is that my fault too?)

Honestly, I never spoke ill about anyone in school and always tried to befriend everyone regardless of their age (junior, sophomore, senior). But as I turned 14, the bullying became drastically bad as the same girls started to isolate me, giving me side eyes and disapproving everyone who said good things about me. However being the naive me who still wanted to believe in the good in people, I still helped them out even though they were just using me to borrow makeup and clothes. You know why, because I wanted to be a friend and give them a chance to get to know me. But that never worked because after they got what they wanted from me, they began isolating and bullying me every single day all over again.

This may shock you but when I was 14, I was hurting inside from all the bullying and started to slit my wrists so that I could feel pain somewhere else except in my heart. But nothing to the extent of bleeding out much just slit marks that are not in deep. At a few points, I thought about committing suicide ( don't worry, this happened when I was in a teenager state of mind) . Being a teenager, I wanted to fit in. I wanted to please everyone. I wanted to have friends. But I never seemed to fit in, I never seemed to please everyone and the girls didn't want to be friends with me despite my kindness to them.  I cried myself to sleep every night and never told my parents about what I was going through at school. I began losing focus in my studies and started putting up a wall in my heart from others to enter. Imagine how a naive innocent girl turned unapproachable by being bullied for years.

When I hit 16, I had another pang of hurt as I was cyber bullied. That time, it was the Myspace days and Facebook was not even popular yet. I was called ugly, a slut, skinny like a stick (body-shamed), and all the horrible things you can imagine. One day I went to the bathroom to pee during recess and on the back of the door I saw something written and a drawing of a stick figure named 'Aini' which is me and a score board of the name of my so called ex 'best friend' who stabbed my back when I was 13. The score board was rating me zero on looks, zero on sexy figure and zero in hotness. I walked out the bathroom skipping recess and stayed in the classroom all alone and cried. I carried my sorrows and doubting my self worth. At that time, I was questioning myself of am I really not pretty? Is my body so disgusting because I had no curves when I was a teenager. But I prayed every night to GOD to give me strength to endure the pain.

When I became a senior, I guess I became a bit stronger due to all the walls I have putted up in my heart all those years. But do bear in mind, I was still getting bullied every single day. I practically only had a couple of girls who did not want any part of the bullying that was happening to me and became a friend.

Okay, back to the story. So, I took the courage to tell my parents of what I was going through all those years and my mom's face turned sad and she was speechless. She did not know what to respond and turned to my dad. My dad was quite. The next day while he was driving me to school, he suddenly said to me 'Do you want to change schools?'

And at that moment, it is as if GOD was sending me a message from above to my heart and mind to be strong. Something triggered in me. It is as if GOD was saying to me 'If I stayed strong and believed in him, he will take care of me'.

So I said to my dad'  It's okay Papa. I don't want to change schools because if I do, it means victory for them and I do not want them to win. No. I will stay strong until I complete my high school and finish the SPM final year exams.' My dad just nodded but I saw his worries splattered across his face.

In university, I also was bullied by a group of girls because I had an American accent and they accused me of faking it. There was a point where I did not want to even speak during class presentation because I knew they were talking about my accent. They didn't know that I used to study in the States and have friends there. They surely did not know where I came from and choose to judge me. Yes, my parents lived in a small town in Malaysia after we came back from the States because my dad wanted to live in a close community. He hated the big city and preferred to raise his family in a small town. Because of that, these KL girls were dissing me and saying I was a kampung (country) girl who didn't have any use for them to be friends with. Well, I was born in KL but I lived all around the place. But what is wrong living in a small town? I loved that small town even-though I was bullied in school there.

But you know what guys, despite all of that, I managed to survive it all. KARMA hit them bad and somehow news will arrive about it to my ears. Maybe it is GOD's way of telling me that he really took care of me all this while. I grew up becoming a strong woman who has been through hell and back. And look where I am today! :)

Moral of the story is, treat people kindly whomever they are because bullying is not acceptable. Bullying leads to someone committing actual suicide. It tortures someone emotionally and mentally. I had no help while I was going through it all. But if you feel that you can't take it anymore, go to see a therapist or counselor to share your feelings. Trust me, it helps by talking to someone.

I hope one day when my child grows up, he will not experience the pain of bullying like I did. And if he does, I want him to be able to talk with me and share his feelings openly. I want him to know that I will always catch him when he falls. That he can outgrow all the bullies and prove to them that he is better.

Have you had your share of bullies in life? Feel free to share your experience and I will definitely get back to you :)

From someone who understands, 
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